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October 3rd, 2012 - 02:57 AM
I have always been longing to art. In a childhood having read an announcement about the admission to the theater school I have tried to enter in it. I was admitted and left an ordinary school for this one. There were a lot of boys and a few girls. At the lessons, our chief asked mainly the boys and very seldom the girls. For this reason all the girls had inferiority complex and were very afraid to recite their lessons. Then due to the problems with my spine I had gone to the hospital and was forced to leave this theatre school. Later it was discovered that I had lost nothing, because our chief turned out to be blue. There was a scandal and the theater school was broken up. After a while this man became a director of one of the capital theaters.
When I was studied at the University I join University drama studio and traveled half of the country with it. We gave performances not only in cites but also in towns, villages, military units, frontier posts. Once the frontier guards decided to demonstrate us how the watch dog would stop violator. They suggest one of our troupe to play this role. I agreed gladly but noticed with a surprise that nobody else has offered himself. After a pause our director also submit herself, but she was too thin and the guards prefer to take me for this performance. I was equipped in à padded jacket. Then I ran and a dog was let go. I remember only interesting feeling when the dog seized a padded jacket sleeve.
Our director considered me as a talented person and advised to enter to Lev Dodin's theatre-studio in Saint–Petersburg. She even borrow me money for an airplane ticket. I had passed to the last round, but finally was not taken to the studio due to absence of musical qualities.
I come across a painting when I married and our own flat have appeared. There was very vulgar wall-paper in this flat and we decided to cover the walls with drawings. Those time I have feel firstly that can paint something interesting. Further I began to paint landscapes, still life, portraits, naive art. But after all, my internal world became so overflowing that it turns out to be impossible to express it by images of objects and people. In such a way I come to the abstract art. Abstract art does not seem abstract for me. It is an attempt to harmonize myself and a world. It is something akin music and silence. Certainly, a nature is also wonderful as it helps to see beauty. Art as a whole is one of few things in which it is possible to be engaged not from need. To create something really beautiful it is necessary to be full of love. From the height of an art the world seems the filled with the God's work. Besides, the creativity is good because it gives a hope. For me, a creativity is so important as God.
Once I have noticed that can copy icons rather well. I decided to understand this deeply and ask to take me to the icon painting workshop in a convent. I was taken as a learner. There it was necessary to draw many small parallel lines. I studied during a month, but couldn't learn this. So I understood that it is necessary to return to the painting. I think that in a future a painting will divide into two branches: simply painting, and painting as yearning for harmony and God.