My Dilemma

Part of my series, Intra-Psychic musings... more

by Padmakar Kappagantula

Title

My Dilemma

Artist

Padmakar Kappagantula

Medium

Painting - Acrylic On Canvas

Description

Part of my series, "Intra-Psychic musings"
The set of figuratives is my on-going series, loosely titled as "Intra-psychic communion". Nudes here represent complete psychological nudity in facing self, stripped off every defence. The theme essentially revolves around the masculine/feminine coding socially received, developted and acted upon with neglect of the other side and therefore the aftermath in our existence. A balanced state is where the masculine and feminine parts of self are in complete harmony with each other (represented through the two works on Communion) thus imparting a certain peace to the soul and giving the ability to act authentic, make choices without a care for stigma, and find fulfilment.---------------------------------

This work represents Dilemmas................

For far too long, I have acted out my roles, related to people through the filters of norms that I picked up and was tutored in. To be stoic, impassive, rock-solid, dependable, strong were my virtues, my armour through which I have lived. The armour gets heavy many a times and I feel like putting it down, sit and cry (sometimes for no reason), express my love (I have not said that to so many), touch and be touched (I have been very appropriate here too) and do so many things that I see others do. I am not sure whether I should act out of my heart and what it does to me, my machismo and my values of being so many things being a man. I know that being a man is much more than I what I act out. Yet, I am held back many times. I hesitate. I come no near to embrace the softness in me yet I dare not do that always, for, doing so rekindles all the pains that I suppressed so far.......my facades will crack and my vulnerabilities will show up......acknowledging and being with pain is worrisome....I touch and go back....my dilemmas continue.....

Uploaded

March 7th, 2008